I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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