Hey man sorry I got all grabby
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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