I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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