Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
