i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Your penis caused this!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
