i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize