I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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