You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
