Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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