If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
