Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
