At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
