I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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