when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have post one night stand depression
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