I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
