So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
