Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
