i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
