we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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