Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
