Everything about him screamed your future.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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