I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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