I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
