i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
