you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
