he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
