hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
