theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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