so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
