i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
