Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
