Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize