My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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