I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
