I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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