You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Alive.
So much puke
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
