I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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