its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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