Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize