last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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