walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
