What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
