Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize