I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
