I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
