YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
