We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I love you. Go after that dick
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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