You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
