i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I checked into jail on foursquare
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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