I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
