Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
