she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
