your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i love accidental penises.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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