This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
