Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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