Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
