can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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