yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
