apparently the secret to your success is patron
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
