i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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