Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
