Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
