Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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