they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
