You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
