I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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