I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
