Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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