all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
