Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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