This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
