Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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