She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
be right there i have to get my cape
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
