Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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