There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
