nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
