I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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