After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
