So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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