i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
