could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
