just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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