I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize