all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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