Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
