it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
