good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
