yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
its liver damage thursday
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
