I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
