i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
