So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
