i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize