grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
