Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
