I got chris browned last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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