I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this beer tastes like vomit already
now i know why i became what i already was.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
