he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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